FORGIVENESS

Edition 1 Issue 2

Forgiveness


 

What is “FORGIVENESS”?  And why do I have to forgive someone who has done bad things to me, or my family, or my friends?

 picture taken by the author   ©2014 beyondthe12th.com All rights reserved

picture taken by the author  ©2014 beyondthe12th.com All rights reserved

 

These are very good questions, and we must look deeper at the cause of this perceived wrongs.  Let’s take for granted no one is purposefully doing anything to hurt others.  If no one, ever, meant me wrong how could I possibly be resentful for perceived wrongs.  Could it all be an illusion?   We need to look at all instances and all actions of others from a perspective:  Do they know this will harm me, or my family, or my loved ones?  Most of the time, if not all of the time, the answer is no we perceive things differently from others.  Mostly our upbringing or family of origin, or circumstance is how the psychiatrists and learned professionals call it.  Our “Family of Origin” is the way our parents and ancestors thought patterns and our relationships create a thinking pattern within our close environment and this is not necessarily the same type of thought the neighbor has for sure.

 

So what does this have to do with forgiving wrongs done to me?  Well I had a difficult time with this at first because my thinking is I must retaliate in kind for things done to me, against people who attack me.  I must hold a grudge, and pay back is a bit___ (not sure I can use the word here so I won’t.)  I need to exact revenge for every wrong done to me, or to anyone whose actions affect my inner circle of family, friends, work environment, etc.…  I need to get even.


Resentment



I now know holding resentment, or otherwise wishing revenge, retaliation or other form or ‘getting back at’ them, or him, or it, or otherwise holding a grudge, is a sin, a wrong way of thinking which leads to resentment.  If resentment is so damaging it could, and will, lead me to return to my old way, for me - drugs and alcohol, for others whichever their “drug of choice” is, whether food, sex, self-harming behaviors have so many faces.  If withholding forgiveness is like an ulcer remains untreated and escalating resentment I hold on to, I am in effect not treating a huge symptom of my disease.  If I don’t treat my dis-ease, I am on the road to relapsing, self-harm, or worse, lashing out and harming others.  So forgiveness and acceptance (next week’s installment on “Acceptance”) are the answer, how do I forgive those things are so hurtful, so harming?  How do I release this?  I just can’t let go.  I just can’t you say!  Well you can and you must.  If a jagged splinter is in your eye you must remove it for it will continue causing pain and will eventually fester, and puss will come out, infection will continue, and you will lose the eye, and worse, die.  Resentment is the same, it festers, and the ego-mind wants you to hold it close to your heart because the ego thrives on the pain.  The ego-mind will want you to hold onto this because it is one of the tools withholding you from the Truth.  The Truth will set you FREE, and the Truth lies in forgiveness and release from the things which are killing you.  The Truth lies in Atonement derived through Forgiveness.

 


Release



So how do I release?  How do I let go of these feelings I need to hold to keep anger strong in my heart?  How do I let go, and let GOD?  Well it’s easy when we look closely at our character defects and the things are killing us, the things we cling to for false security.  The ego-mind holds us here and we need to let go and let GOD take over.  We need to allow the Truth to set us free.  How many times I hear this and didn’t understand what it meant, if you haven’t done step four the best of your ability.  If you haven’t done step work, we suggest you find a 12 step support group in your area, or if in a remote location or a country does not have AA, NA, Al-Anon and Al-Ateen support groups. Gamblers Anonymous, overeaters… the list goes on and on.  If you live in a remote location do a search engine for online support or connect with us and we will attempt to align you with the right group, or groups.  Doing the 4th step over again when we understand we need to search deeper and deeper into every corner of our resentfulness and find true forgiveness in our hearts.  And the first place to look is at self-condemnation.  So many of us hold the deepest resentments against ourselves, we hold resentment for perceived wrongs.  We need to forgive ourselves first and foremost.  For years I held on with dear life to the things that were killing me; anger, resentment, fear, self-loathing, self-harming and self-deprecating thoughts and behaviors.  This though pattern was ego driven and so harmful, like having cancer and not wanting to listen to the treatment methods.  The treatment would mean replacing ego-mind with Truth.  We certainly can’t have that, now can we?  Well this is my warped thinking.  Ego-mind doesn’t want me to find Truth, because Truth replaces ego-mind.  Truth is Love and communion with God.  There is no longer need for resentment when we have Truth.  Truth is timeless and overcomes all darkness.  We must eventually accept this.  But as long as we live in guilt and shame (look for our installment on “Guilt and Shame” in a December issue of our newsletter right here at www.beyondthe12th.com), as long as we hold onto resentments we will not be in Truth.  Truth is Love.  Love is God, or connection to the Oneness of the Universal Mind.  May you find Him NOW!

 

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