Edition 2 Issue #28
Oh boy! Tolerance. If I had tolerance for people, places, and things that aren’t as I see they should be, I wouldn’t be so angry. I took a class in anger management last year, or the year before, not sure how long ago, but I do recall it was at the recommendation of friends who identified the anger lying dormant within me. I came out of the sessions with resentment (read: anger) at one of the facilitators for going off on a tangent about women taking the role of ‘victim’ in today’s society. I thought she was full of s**t, and was about to say so when the leader of the group saw my outrage, and quickly changed the subject. I failed to return for the last session. I failed at anger management class! (F) - Just kidding, I learned a lot and will share some at a later blog…
Why do I have to fix everything? How do I get my tolerance level to where I can be accepting of things, as they should be, allowing the flow of the Universe to be? This is tolerance of things, tolerance of others’ ideas and thoughts and acts. I used to be so critical and judgemental of everything that wasn’t the way “I” thought it should be. I was so intolerant, intolerant of your views, intolerant of your ideas, you concepts, and all your ways.
MY WAY! (OR THE HIGHWAY)
The way my ideas and ideals had created this little world where only “Bill’s” way was the right way. And I was right! Always right, about everything. When you entered my world it was “My way or the highway”.
No wonder most of my relationships where short lived. I used to live by the ‘code’: anyone who entered into my life was there to serve my purposes. Well, not only did this not work for very long, I found out in sobriety that this ‘code’ that we lived by is the first premise of abuse.
Yes I was an abuser of my women, and anyone else who entered my ‘entourage’. Emotional abuse was what that was all about. I was intolerant of others. I was intolerant of any view which was different from my closed little image of life, and how this little world in which I lived revolved. The way I rolled was “MY way”. Everything and everybody would be on board, or be left out; the train was leaving without you. “My way or the highway!”
THE GO TO GUY!
I was a big shot in my own mind. My motto was “Don’t you know who I think I am!” or something to that effect. While things were going strong, while I was at the top of my game, this appeared to be great. In all appearances I was the head honcho! I was The “Go To” guy, to get things done. And when the money, booze and drugs flowed, so did the women and the entourage. So nobody would dare go against the unwritten “code” of MY way! As long as you wanted, or needed a piece of the pie, you just had to play by my rules, or else.
How would you feel if you were constantly being corrected, being told what to do and how to behave? Everything you did was just not right, just needed to be some correction, some adjustment to make it right? Is this ‘narcissistic”, or a step beyond it to abusive in an obsessive compulsive way? I think the latter. So how many are reading this who resemble this behavior? How many know someone who resembles this behavior? And of the latter group, will you share this and send it to the ‘narcissist’ in your life, have them take a closer look and see if they identify the abuser, or the obsessive compulsive and if they are ready to do something about it? Or if they thing they are just the icing in the cake and you just want some more sweetness from this type….
At the end of the day I must act and speak from a place of Love and Tolerance. “Do onto others as you would have them do onto you” This is the number ONE Commandment of living.
Look for next week’s edition on “JOURNEY”. And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.
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