EDITION 1 Issue #4
IF ACCEPTANCE IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL MY PROBLEMS, THEN WHY AM I STILL SUFFERING?
Last week we spoke of ACCEPTANCE (see Ed #1 Issue #3; Nov. 5, 2014 blog) is the answer to all my problems, then why, oh God why, am I still suffering so, if I am in acceptance? Why do I feel the despair (look for next week’s blog on “DESPAIR”, subscribe and don’t miss it!) and fear and loathing and all these terrible feelings? Why?
Well the first question is: Am I really in ACCEPTANCE? Or do I just tell myself I have come to terms with the past and I will breeze through this. If I do “half measures”, or only pretend to have accepted, and allowed my ego-mind (look for our blog on EGO-MIND in January 2015 for more detail) to keep running the show, I’m working on self-will run riot. As long as I stay in the self-centered, self-seeking mode, and have not completely surrendered (look for our edition on “SURRENDER” in February 2015, subscribe now to be sure you get it delivered right to your mailbox) to the process. A process of recovery laid out in the “12 Steps” for any of a number of recovery programs, be it AA, NA, Gamblers Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependants Anonymous…. The list goes on and on to well into the hundreds of programs based on the “12 Step” concept initially outlined in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, affectionately referred to as the “Big Book”. (If you haven’t done this work, no matter whether you believe you have addictive tendencies, if you are reading this and are not familiar with the ‘program’ as laid out in the “Big Book” we suggest you get a copy from your local library and at least look at it. When you are ready to completely do the work outlined in the “12 Step Program” find a local group and a sponsor will take you through the process, it’s not something one does alone, just by reading the book, it is a process, and we highly recommend it.) What am I still holding on to? What is it I don’t want to release? What is so deeply ingrained I will not face or will not let go of?
Why is it we still suffer the insidious insanity of our past. Why do we feel the need to live in the past when all the teachings so far have told us to ‘let go’ to release through prayer and meditation? The well versed quote from the book Alcoholics Anonymous fourth edition pg83 “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” These words are well written yet do we really, like, really deep down inside, become this person who has completely released? It’s a lot more difficult than it seems. Our natural resistance to change keeps us in the grips of detrimental behaviors sometimes we don’t even realize are detrimental to ourselves and to others around us. Take me as example: Throughout most of my life I treated anyone and everyone who came into my life as if they were there to serve my purpose. Not knowing this is the first premise of abuse, I used people, whether in sex relations, business relations, friendships; you came into my life, you were there to serve my hidden agenda. This was driven from a ‘gangland mentality’ which is a very selfish and self-centred way of going about the world. And I didn't realize I was hurting anyone, I did what I did because it was what I knew. I knew only this life. The life of metal abuse and cruelty keeping you close only because you served some hidden agenda of mine, and when you no longer useful to me I threw you aside as if we never met. Cold and completely detached, as if you never existed in my life, leaving you, presumably, with a huge hole and wondering what you did to cause separation. When it was possibly nothing you did, just time for me to move on not realizing my behavior was hurtful. Leaving devastation and destruction in its path, this behavior created animosity, broken relationships, hurt feelings and chaos in its wake. Hurting other without realizing, or skipping a beat was all I was about. Life went on….
Change (see our newsletter on “CHANGE” January 2015, be sure to subscribe to have it delivered directly to your mailbox) is really quite difficult. We have an inane resistance to change. We hold onto our habits, even when they are detrimental. As my late friend Scotty used to say: “I hold on for dear life to the things which are killing me!” And I well understand this now. I refused to let go, unbeknownst to me, and so continued to suffer even after having believed I had completely given myself to a ‘program’, as in the 12 step, a ‘program, of recovery where some others where seeing relief, or recovery for the seemingly hopeless state of mind that is recovery. Change is so difficult as we hang onto our habits, to our character defects lead us to the same behaviours, over and over, we assume the same role, or same characteristics which were so detrimental to our life. We hang onto our ‘default’ mode because it’s all we know, deep inside it is our comfort zone, no matter how bad some habits are, we hold onto them because this is where we are comfortable. Be it aggressiveness, which is a territorial instinct driven by fear, and places our opponent, often a loved one, in terror, or in a defensive position and then we assume we are superior. But all this behavior does is place more stress on an already stressed relationship when we are coming from a place of fear and defensiveness rather than from a place of care, love and tolerance, as the principles of the program teach us when we completely give ourselves to it.
Look for next week’s edition on “DESPAIR”. And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.